Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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