he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
