wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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