with your own penis?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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