a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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