I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
