bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
