Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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