im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
smell my finger.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
