I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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