you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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