Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
