Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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