Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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