Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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