If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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