Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
