A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have post one night stand depression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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