There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
