She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
