I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
