It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
