Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
