woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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