its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
