just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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