so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
