i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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