next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
