If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
