how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
