FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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