3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week