so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt