It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i drank out of a bidet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
