I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?