my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
