I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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