...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
