I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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