why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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