she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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