im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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