Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
