Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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