Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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