My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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