i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
