I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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