I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
