I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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