that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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