when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
