i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
