i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize