His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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