I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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