Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
