Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
