and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
