I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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