Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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