You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
