he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
