Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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