you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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