This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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