his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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