Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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