four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
