you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
