one might say we're banned from that church
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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