Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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