Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
