You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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