Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
