the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
