Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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