My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
