Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
